Friendship breakups are just as serious as ending a romantic relationship, if not even more.
We all see romantic partners breaking up in books and movies, but not so much about the pain and grief when breaking up with a friend.
We all have that experience of breaking up (or being broken up) with a friend. Regardless if it has happened once or twice, it hurts, and it sucks really bad. Gone are the days of having your comfort person around when you want to chika, or ask for fashion tips on what to wear for your next date; no more instances of sleeping over at their place and being treated like a second child by their family, and goodbye to those days when you can share everything and nothing at all with them—your go-to, your main, your day one.
These friends have stood witness to a certain part of your life and have known you inside and out. Losing them is one thing, and having no way to resurrect the friendship is another. The silence and emptiness that comes with the breakup are especially awful, and we may find ourselves jumping from different stages in the 5 stages of grief.
Don’t forget that there is love in friendship…
When all has been said and done, you may still find yourself trying to piece together and make sense of what has expired. What was the root cause of all this? Was I enough? Did they even try? Some things don’t have to make sense—sometimes even pain. What’s important to remember is that there is love in friendship, and love itself is sometimes associated with pain.
That pain we feel is a reminder that we have once cared for our other half—that love existed between you and your friend. We may choose to carry the baggage and ruins of the bridge that has been burnt or simply forget that the friendship ever existed, but we cannot deny that we have had the capacity to extend love during its course.
…And love exists even after the friendship has run its course.
It’s a completely normal and valid feeling if you doubt your capability of forging new friendships after exiting one that has ended. You may think that you’re not worthy or capable of connecting with someone as much as opening up your life all over again because you might experience the same thing all over again. The good news is: you will because you are worthy of having people in your life!
As the old saying goes, “Friendships come and go.” We shed parts of ourselves as we venture out finding who we are and where we belong. Although these friendships may never last in certain phases in our lives, keep in mind that you have had the privilege to love.
There’s no shame in reminiscing and preserving all the good memories of your friendship, even if the falling outweighs more. After all, these are what mold our present selves, and what you have right now deserves to go to that friend who’ll love and accept you just the same, if not more. You have your whole life to figure out how to make your next set of friendships work, even if the previous ones didn’t.
There’s no deadline for making new friends and seeking new connections. Take your time to heal and reflect, and when you’re ready, take that love you have with you and share it with whomever you come across—you just might be in for a surprise.
banner by: @strawbbree
