If you’re allergic to long-term commitment, you’ve definitely dabbled with landian, flings, and even fubus. Maybe because you have long-term plans you want to focus on, or it’s simply not ideal for your current lifestyle, you’ve chosen these arrangements to satisfy certain needs (especially in the intimacy department) without actually being entangled with that person.
Quite complicated, right?
In these arrangements, there’s really no distinct label between you and your chosen partner. Maybe for some, putting a label may be sensitive for several reasons they don’t want to disclose. Regardless, the importance of establishing boundaries and consent must be there.
But in case you’re not allergic to labels in relationships, you should use them to your advantage. Ask yourself, who are they to you? A girl/boyfriend, a fubu, a fling, ka-MU, a rebound, the list keeps going.
Labeling your relationship based on how you feel isn’t sustainable. Change is the only permanent thing in the world, and your feelings aren’t exempted. So don’t get so comfy in your arrangement.
This is something I wish I called myself out earlier on before I got in too deep with someone in my past.
I met him in college through a mutual friend in a social drinking setting. Being an extroverted person, I broke the ice and conversed with him freely. It started playfully, kagaguhan. I found comfort in his humor and genuine mindset, expressing myself fully without judgment and filter. Plus, we came from the same school, so we had many similar experiences on campus.
Things escalated fast from there. One moment, we were joking around with our drunk friends. The next, we exchanged “affections” somewhere more private, away from our friends, just us in our own world.
At that moment, I was on cloud 9. Cheesily enough, as someone who’s used to these escapades, he was different. He was respectful of my limits, always checked up on me when we kissed, and even texted me to get home safely when I had to leave early.
From there, we continued seeing each other for a bit. When we were too busy with schoolwork or life, we would text each other from day until the night. It was enjoyable; the kilig meter in me always exploded.
However, there was never a label. Were we a fling? Friends? Both? We may be toying with both ends of the spectrum, yet we never defined it.
This realization came heavily when one of my friends asked me about him, from his course to his personality and the like. Quickly, I had so many good things I wanted to say about him because, again, he was an impressive guy.
Then, my friend brought up the million-dollar question.
“Ayon sa mga ginagawa niyo, ano label niyo?”
Major facepalm moment, looking back. But honestly, I’m happy to get that wake-up call.
Our label was so vague. I somehow settled down so easily for someone who was unclear in his intentions. We were too caught up in the fun, the sexual innuendos, the suggestive behavior that implied the need for a release. That kind of release.
Slowly, my mind opened up to his flaws. He was only in for the thrill, and he didn’t want to make things official. Then, from a chika session with one of his batchmates, I found out that he broke up with his ex just months prior. But to top it all, he still flirts with other girls behind my back whenever I wasn’t available.
Perhaps the one thing I’m glad didn’t happen between us was escalating into a fubu relationship. It would’ve made things more complicated. But looking back, when push comes to shove, our relationship as a whole would’ve gotten toxic if I chose to pursue that.
This confusing set-up with this guy taught me quite a few things. Every failure has a lesson to be learned, diba?
One, never define someone in your life as a feeling. It’s also disrespectful on their part, na ganyan lang kayo. Just be straightforward and state the actual label you two hold, even if it’s questionable.
Honestly, I may have developed some feelings for him over time, but they weren’t permanent (thank god). When we got over the landian side of our relationship, we realized that the answer to the label question is that we’re…
It stung for a bit, but we remained mature about it at the end of the day. Our bond was a little experimental, but it’s almost like we were life lessons to each other.
We needed each other for character development, and that was it.
Second, boundaries are important! Whether it’s a casual fling or something serious, we need to know what we’re in for. Please don’t overlook this so that it won’t heighten your expectations. And seriously, be careful when you state that there are no feelings involved. In fact, kung pa-fall ka, then don’t engage in that kind of set-up.
Please spare yourself the trauma and your poor friends who keep giving you the same advice. Following repeated patterns won’t make the outcome any different.
Lastly, saying “masaya kami” alone makes it sound like you’re settling for less than what you deserve. This may also affect your future relationships and lead to unnecessary problems, so don’t settle so quickly. There is plenty of fish in the sea to search for and widen your mind on what you want in a partner.
Though if all else fails, you can always opt not to settle and be the hot rich single relative in your family that everyone envies. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Period.
Jokes aside, my experience may be limited. But more than enough to realize that yes, I do deserve better even in a purely landian set-up. So if you’re just like me, landi responsibly at wag pa-fall!