Do you shudder at the thought of having sex with someone you barely know even if they’re hot? Have you ever seen your friends hooking up with strangers and thought to yourself that you can never do such a thing? Do you have a strong opinion about “love at first sight”? If you answered yes to these questions, there’s quite a chance you’re demisexual.
According to AVENwiki (affiliate site of the Asexual Visibility and Education Network), “A demisexual is a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone. It’s more commonly seen in but by no means confined to romantic relationships.
The term demisexual comes from the orientation being “halfway between” sexual and asexual. Nevertheless, this term does not mean that demisexuals have an incomplete or half-sexuality, nor does it mean that sexual attraction without emotional connection is required for a complete sexuality.
In general, demisexuals are not sexually attracted to anyone of any gender; however, when a demisexual is emotionally connected to someone else (whether the feelings are romantic love or deep friendship), the demisexual experiences sexual attraction and desire, but only towards the specific partner or partners.”
The spirituality website lonerwolf.com posits that “The demisexual is often said to experience no primary attraction towards anyone, which means no attraction towards the immediate outer qualities of a person such as appearance, style or personality. However, the demisexual differs from the asexual in that they experience secondary attraction, which comes as a result of first establishing a deep degree of connection.”
Here’s an inconclusive list of signs of demisexuality, as per the free demisexual test on lonerwolf.com:
- You think of yourself as asexual but occasionally feel sexual attraction to people you’re close to.
- You’re not at all aroused by porn.
- When you’re hanging out with friends or acquaintances, you become tongue-tied when the discussion becomes sexually-charged.
- You sometimes find yourself getting sexually attracted to someone you thought you’re supposed to have only a platonic relationship with.
- You appreciate beautiful faces and bodies, but you’re not sexually interested in them.
- When you’re in a relationship with someone, you don’t feel sexually attracted to anyone else at all.
- You despise any form of sexual advances from people.
- You don’t believe in “love at first sight.”
- You fall in love with the inner character of a person; their outward appearance is unimportant.
- You know you’re capable of having sex, but one-night stands are an absolute no-no.
- It’s almost impossible for you to get sexually attracted to a body of a stranger.
Myk Sia, a Malaysia-based Filipino customer service professional, identifies as demisexual. In the video interview below, he shares his thoughts on this fairly new sexual orientation label – how he came across the term, whether it is an advantage or a disadvantage, where to find support, why we should talk about it, and so on.
If you identify as demisexual or just want to know more about it on behalf of someone you know who is, join the Demisexual Community closed group on Facebook.