It’s Valentine’s Day today, which means singles everywhere are on a tear with their ‘I’m alone, therefore I’m lonely’ posts. And while some do it in jest (I hope), we all know that one person who thinks being single is a curse. That somehow, an entire life composed of friends, careers, and hobbies, is dictated by the absence of an SO.
It’s a debilitating mindset that tells us that we are somehow incomplete without a romantic partner, that our contentment is defined by this relationship, and that our life revolves around this person and not the other way around.
Just like your BFFs, we’re here to tell you: It’s totally fine to be single.
Comedian Daniel Sloss became a celebrity in 2018 by saying the same thing. In a famous segment from his Netflix standup special ‘Jigsaw’, Sloss opened his viewers’ eyes to the fact.
‘We have romanticized the idea of romance and it is cancerous’, Sloss declares. He says, that from an early age, society brainwashed us into thinking that life is all about falling in love. One look at hugot culture is all the confirmation we need.
And since we spent our entire childhood thinking that romantic partners are a need, we feel afraid and incomplete once we hit adulthood. So much so, that we would force ourselves to find someone, even if they aren’t a good fit, just so we could feel ‘complete’ and ‘secure’.
‘Some of us will take the wrong person, the wrong jigsaw piece, and just f*cking jam them into our jigsaws anyway, denying that they clearly won’t fit’.
‘I’m gonna force this person into our lives because we’d much rather have something than nothing’.
This sense of desperation fools us into thinking that we’re in love with someone incompatible when clearly, we’re only enamored by the idea that we are.
Even if we’re already suffering in this less-than-ideal setup, we’ll still push on with the relationship because, up to this point, finding a partner has been the goal of our lifetimes.
‘There’s nothing wrong with being alone’, Sloss says. We imagine every single person in their 30s let out a collective cheer.
‘There’s nothing wrong with taking time for yourself to work out who you are. How can you offer who you are if you don’t know who you are?’
Being content with singlehood will also benefit a person once they do find their significant other, reveals Sloss.
If you only love yourself at 20%, somebody can come along and love you 30% and you’re like ‘Wow, that’s so much’. It’s literally less than half.
‘Whereas if you love yourself 100%, a person that falls in love with you has to go above and beyond the call of duty to make you feel special’.