Someone wise once said that “the happiest couples don’t always share the same character, but they always understand and celebrate their differences.”
Couples who are so in love with each other may get to the point of hating each other because they can no longer stand each other’s quirks, whims and caprices.
We all have our own ways of expressing our love and preferred ways of receiving love. Thanks to American pastor, marriage counselor and author Dr. Gary Chapman, we now know these ways as the “love languages.”
If a couple knows what each other’s love language is, they have a better understanding of each other’s wants and needs and know what they value in life as individuals and as a couple. Each time they speak each other’s love language, they score big in meeting each other’s emotional needs.
When a loved one speaks your love language, you get that happy and reassuring this-person-gets-me-and-cares-for-me feeling, resulting to enhanced communication, better understanding and a happier relationship.
This was Dr. Chapman’s motivation in creating the 5 Love Languages® official assessment. Through this test, we get to discover our love language and begin improving our relationships with people we hold near and dear.
According to the website, “your love language profile will explain your primary love language, what it means, and how you can use it to connect to others.”
The test is not only catered to singles and couples, it also enables parents to know the love languages of their kids so they could build and maintain a positive relationship with them.
Below are the 5 Love Languages and their descriptions.
Acts of Service – For these people, actions speak louder than words.
Can helping with homework really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most wants to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. When others serve you out of love (and not obligation), you feel truly valued and loved.
Quality Time – This language is all about giving the other person your undivided attention.
In Quality Time, nothing says “I love you” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes you feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed activities, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Whether itʼs spending uninterrupted time talking with someone else or doing activities together, you deepen your connection with others through sharing time.
Receiving Gifts – For some people, what makes them feel most loved is to receive a gift.
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are heartfelt symbols to you of someone else’s love and affection for you.
Words of Affirmation – This language uses words to affirm other people.
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important— hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. You thrive on hearing kind and encouraging words that build you up.
Physical Touch – To this person, nothing speaks more deeply than appropriate touch.
A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, and thoughtful touches on the arm—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Appropriate and timely touches communicate warmth, safety, and love to you.
When you’re done with it, encourage your better half to take the test as well so you can talk about your respective love languages and apply the insights you’ll get out of these discussions to make your relationship better and stronger.